I see why so many college kids commit suicide. Sure, they don't have "real world" problems like taxes or kids to support or house payments. At least most don't. But when it gets to be midnight the day before you have two homeworks and an essay due, and a major test in 2 days, and you haven't begun the essay or studying, and you keep thinking about that girl who gave you that look on the bus, and you're freaking out because you've been skipping class, ironically, to catch up on homework.... yeah, I could see why college kids would consider killing themselves. Its the fear of failure. Of disappointment. From teachers. And parents. And peers Of not living up to the expectations in the world. That people have been unconsciously heaping upon you for the first eighteen years of your life. It's pretty fucking scary sometimes. I've read a few places that adderall and ritalin are the most used drugs on college campuses. They report on it like it's some new thing, which I guess to them it is. Well, no shit college kids are taking ADD drugs. We have become the generation with a thirty second attention span, and can't read the driest textbook ever created for more than five minutes without pushing it six to eight inches to one side, and slamming your head against the table. That's where the drugs come in. So, drugs and suicide. These are the things I think about.
Now, don't look all carefully into this post. This is not a cry for help. This aren't my last words to the world or anything overly dramatic as that. That situation, as of now, is purely hypothetical and I was just using it to show that I see why college kids commit suicide. I do think about suicide sometimes. How I would do it. Who would discover me first. How long it would take for someone to discover me. What would happen to all my things after I was gone. All of these and others. When I think on a situation, I consider all the options. All of them. And killing yourself and completely avoiding it altogether definitely falls into that category. Every time I do think about it, the one thing that really does stop me is all the things I have yet to experience. I still want to skydive, and bungee jump, and travel over an ocean. There are countless places I still want to have sex at. And I am really not going anywhere till I get under 120 on expert minesweeper. So, there's all those unfulfilled promises to myself keeping me here.
I know this is a pretty dark post, and I'm sure I'll get some messages after I post it, but come on. Don't try to tell me you don't think about this too. I have a hunch everyone has their dark twisted little thoughts in their dark twisted little minds that's just waiting to spring forth from your mouth and freak out everyone around you. I'm just brave enough to put it on the world wide web. Hopefully inspire a few other people to write about truly secretive things that they think. Because that's what I like to do when I meet someone, dig into their brain. So come on, live a little and throw that disturbing thought out into the world and see who you can scare into not being your friend anymore. If they don't like you more for the truly trippy thoughts you have, then they weren't a good friend to begin with.
Recommended viewing experience:
The Machinist (movie)
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